my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
