...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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