After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
