It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
