Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
