I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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