my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
