I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
