SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
