YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
