ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
