I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
