how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
