I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
