just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
