I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Someone shit on the floor
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
