He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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