He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
