You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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