Pregnant stripper...not hot.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
