Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
