He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize