Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
