At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
