My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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