Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You made out with two different species that night
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize