woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
