If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
