someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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