You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
