remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
