My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Found the puke drawer
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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