I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
