sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
