your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You left your underwear on the fireplace
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My feet surprised me
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize