Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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