i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
