I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You need Xanax blowdarts
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
