Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
