What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
