I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
