The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
