you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize