ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
