I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
