i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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