We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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