i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
