I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
