I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
