i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize