Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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