It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
sex in a hospital.. check
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize