Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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