dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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