hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
