There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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