The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
