Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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