what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
