I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
