happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
