There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
