We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
