You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
