Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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