How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
