You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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