Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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