Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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