i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize