It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
