just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
