I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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