Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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