I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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