I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
