It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
